9-5

So my husband said something today that I've heard a million times before... But the way he worded it sounded so much better than any version I've ever thought of. He said that you have to love what you do. You have to have passion for your work because then it makes it seem like your not working. You're still living. He said he has friends that hate their work or their job and they can't wait for the weekend to really live. He told me that he wants to live everyday and doing what he loves allows him to do that. Cooking makes him feel alive everyday. Not just on his days off, but every time his hands touch food. That's a powerful thing. Powerful to be able to find something that you have a deep passion for. But also powerful that food has the ability to make someone feel alive. Or maybe some days, it's not the actual food as an ingredient, but the ability to craft something with your hands that gives others so much pleasure. Knowing that what you've created and put time and thought and love into has the ability to create an unforgettable experience for someone else. Or that it can transport people to different times or places with the taste or smell of something that you've created. Igniting other peoples senses. It takes a unique individual to appreciate food in that manner, but that's a whole different story. Different entry all together. My husband reminded me of why I'm proud to do what I do. And he reminded me that although there are many difficulties in pursuing an art form, the payoff is in your personal satisfaction. Whether or not you feel alive. I am thankful I don't work a 9-5 office job

New beginnings

I want to write. And I want to write something good. Something worthwhile. I'm not traveling anymore but that doesn't mean my life isn't exciting and that nothing is happening. Infact, my life is full of adventure. Still. In America, at home, living with my parents, my life's still full of adventure. And I guess that just means its all in how you look at it. I don't know about you but my glass is half full.... I know, ask me this question on a Tuesday morning (when my work week starts at 6am) and I might say something different. But in the long run, in the big picture, in my absolute calm state of mind, my glass is half full. Maybe 3/4 full. Because my life long dreams (yes, I know I'm only 24) have been seen, accomplished, lived. I traveled to Europe, all around Europe, and struggled, felt, explored, and loved every minute of it. I came home and fell deeply in love with someone on the other side of the world, where I JUST came back from after discovering so much about myself, the world, people and life. I was compelled to go back to Europe, making the best decision of my life because I successully took the risk of following love and not my career, which I had always sworn against. But it was the best decision I've made. I fell even deeper into a relationship that seemed so unrealistic and yet so possible and also so very easy. I came back and not only married the man of my dreams that I took with me from Europe but also planted my feet flat on the ground, back wherei started yet completely different, and worked. I cooked with new information, new knowledge and most importantly, a whole new confidence that I had never felt before.i finally felt like one of the other cooks. Like I knew just as much, if not maybe a hair more, than everyone around me. It was the first time I felt like could be put on any station and actually survive AND produce good food. I always had a insecurity: not feeling equal in my experience/knowledge to successfully cook as well as the others. And maybe that's my own insecurity. Or MAYBE it's something all cooks go through and either we naturally hit a point where we finally feel stable and confident or we have experienced something greater than we ever imagined and we just feel more comfortable without own instincts. Imaging with the latter. I just feel more comfortable with myself and my cooking skills. Ask me to cook apiece of fish, create a salad, plate a pasta, season a steak, or whatever and I know exactly what to do. Maybe it's not perfect but I feel comfortable doing it. And maybe these things sound easy to you, but to a cook, it's a completely different level of expectation. Whatever, I feel comfortable, whereas before, would doubt myself or question whether or to tis was the right way or if I even KNEW how to do it. I've come a long way.i am a cook. I feel it. It's in my blood. And although I considered changing careers after coming back from Europe (wine service, mangement, something that makes more money), I can't happily stray from cooking. I can't disown what's so natural,what flows through me, what I think about, dream about, smell and place on a pedestal. I can't. So I returned to more cooking where ive learned authentic Italian cooking at Angelini sinceive been back. But now I'm on a new adventure. I am the new sous chef at cliffs edge in silverlake. I've never been a sous chef and that restaurant has never had a sous chef.so I guess it's a new experience for us all. :) I'm ready. Bring it. I'm scared,I'm prepared, I'm nervous, I'm confident, I'm everything a newbie should be. I'm fresh blood again. I love new beginnings

Magic tricks

So this past weekend in fano, after sharing a bottle of wine and having a spiked espresso, I told Ricky that I wanted to drive the bike with him on the center bar. I got on and he begged me to be careful. I said yeah yeah, get on... So he got on. I put one foot on the pedal and the other tried to kick off for a head start before being placed on the other pedal. He begged again, be careful. I didn't get my second foot on the other pedal before we lost balanced and went crashing to the ground. We were laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. He got up to take pictures of me, laying on the ground grabbing my butt, and we both laughed ourselves sick. The police stopped by to see if I was ok. Won't be trying that again. My green and purple butt says not to. And as far as work goes...I feel like I understand more, but it's still not enough. Once I know what is being asked of me, I'm fine. The work itself is fairly easy... If I don't know how, they show me and I rarely ever screw something up. But it's getting the directions correct in the first place that is the most challenging. And it's almost impossible to tell them "hey, please speak slow" when tickets are piling up and orders need to get done. :/ if anyone knows of a way to speed up a learning process, I'm all ears. And yeah, practice practice practice. I am. I need a magic trick at this point.

Arrivo!!!

OMG!!!! La prima volta ho wifi!!! Cazzo! San marino è una città di merde!! But seriously, I'm back. I. AM. BACK!!! =O After a 20ish hour flight (I had 3 layovers), I finally arrived in bologna where Ricky, my boyfriend, was suppose to meet me. I had not seen him in 3 months and was excited to the point where I was shaking when I stepped off the plane. My hands couldn't grip my bag and my knees felt like they were going to give any second. I go through customs, get my bag and exit into the main room (it's one big room for the entire airport since is very small). I quickly look for his smiling face and I'm so nervous I figure I can't see him. So I scan the room again, and nothing. There was a large crowd of people waiting in one area and I was sure he was one in the crowd... I just couldn't see him. But then, I glanced down and saw a neon blue sign propped up against the wall that said "Ashley Jeanne Cramer, look for the next color"... And the second my face lit up with a smile, the crowd of people looked back at me and smiled. They knew something that I didn't. So I see another sign and it directs me to another sign. I stop at a neon yellow sign that says "stop here... Can you hear my heart beating?" and my jaw drops and I cover my mouth. I don't see Ricky and I started to giggle at how ridiculously romantic this boy is. People are smiling back at me, people I don't know, and I become more nervous than before. But as soon as I turn around... "ciao amore" greets me with a bouquet of roses/lillys (he remembered my favorites) and I get a glimpse of his adorable face before I am suffocated in the biggest bear hug I have ever had. It was a good suffocation. I didn't need to breath in that moment... It was too perfect as it was. I hear a few "awww"s and my eyes well up, buti don't care. I'm in his arms again, after 3 very long months. I kept hugging him because I couldn't believe he was actually here in front of me. Walking out to the car, I realized he felt he same when he said " if this is all a dream, please don't wake me." :) :O I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?!? Alright, so I spent my first day and half in fano, Italy, Ricky's hometown. We went to have an aperitif on the beach with two of his friends who made me feel very comfortable and welcome. The aperitif/bar/beach thing they have going on in fano is amazing! What a cute little city!! I met his amazing parents who immediately made me feel at home! They are absolutely wonderful! We sat down at the kitchen table for dinner and.... His mom had made passatelli AND piadina with squacquerone, my two absolute favorite traditional dishes!! How did she know?? Ricky told her. :) it was delicious and a great first meal. The next day, we went to the beach to lay out and swim. But upon leaving his home, Ricky told me that we were going to use a bike to go instead of his car because parking is impossible. I didn't mind, so I agreed and thought " I don't remember the last time I rode a bike, but I don't think it's something you forgot how to do". So he pulls one bike out of the garage and locks the garage up. I look at him. And then ask him where my bike was. He points to the bike he pulled out of the garage. So when he said we were going to use A bike to go, he really meant A bike. One. And I laugh so hard and tell him it's impossible. He calls me crazy and says its totally normal in Italy. He gets on, and tells me to go on one side and sit down on the bar in front of the seat, behind the handle bars. I tell him he is crazy, it won't work. And we take off! His arms are on the handlebars on either side of me, and his seat is high enough so that my head rests on his chest. It's really possible. He wove in and out of Italian car traffic as I screamed, twitched and feared for my life. He was laughing the entire way. I saw other couples doing the same thing, two people on a bike. So I guess it is totally normal and I am crazy. When in Rome/fano, do as they do, right? So we got to the beach in one piece. Omgggg!!! Italian beaches!!! Beautiful!! Italy in the summer is completely different from Italy in the winter. Completely. I am totally in love with italy in the summer. Its a different vibe, it's beautiful, is relaxing, and it is hottttt!!! I am still getting used to it. But we went to the beach, laid out, swam and then took another bike ride down the street to a restaurant where his mom cooks at. THE FOOD!! My god!!! The food!!! Stringhetti pasta and then a plate of freshly breaded and grilled fish and shellfish =O we went back to the beach and then back home to have dinner with his parents again, tagliata with rucola. After, we headed back to San Marino for work the next day. My alarm went off at 720am. I instantly remembered what this all felt like. My Italian vacation, all 2 days of it, was over. Back to work. And I was nervous. I don't know why except for that I knew what I was getting myself into this time and I knew it was difficult. We climbed the familiar mountain and entered the familiar kitchen. I saw the familiar faces and this time, I was able to speak to them. Not much, but more than I was able to on my first day in February. Its an incredible feeling. But don't get me wrong, I am no way fluent or even able to understand most conversations. I just mean that I can finally see my own progress in learning another language and it feels good. They even complimented me on my progress... And compliments here are hard to come by. :) and for those of you who remember, this next sentence is for you...I am NOT joking when I say: guess what was waiting for me to clean when I stepped in the kitchen? What white box was sitting on the counter just calling my name? Screaming my name! That's right, the cuttlefish box. And guess who tried to avoid it for as long as possible but got called to clean it anyways? Yup, this girl right here. Hahahaha! My life. This is my life.:) After two days of work, my body started to ache like it did three months ago. When my alarm goes off in the morning, I do the same moan and groan that I did three months ago. I am back... Back to working my ass off. Literally. And I'm exhausted, always. But, I'm not going to complain. Because this time feels so different from the last time. I feel like I have a very small grip on the language, but enough to where I can communicate a little and I know that through this, I will learn a lot more. I got moved to the downstairs kitchen where its is an Osteria that has a much faster pace and very traditional dishes. I am extremely excited about this change. Its a beautiful summer, not a snowy winter. And I am also spending every second with someone I can't get enough of. I'm sorry for all the mushiness, but it is what it is. I'm in Italy for the gorgeous summer AND I'm totally in love. :D besides some sleep, what more do I need??

Adventure #2

So.... Three months are winding down once again. My three months here in the states are done. I'm about to journey into round two of my European adventure. Except this time, I have completely different goals, expectations, and fears. This time is going to be different. Not even comparable to the last adventure for many reasons. 1- this time, I go straight to work. There is no traveling around first and then starting work in the middle of my trip. I go straight for it, head on. 2- I know what I'm getting myself into this time, more or less. Yeah, it will be a different experience with new challenges, but for the most part, I know what's in store for me. Which is actually both a blessing and a curse. It's great to know and feel comforted by the fact that I've done this, seen this and felt this all before... but what comes with that is the memory of knowing when it gets rough, it can be really really rough. No joke. I learned from last time that being completely removed from the comforts of home, a persons patience, strength, endurance and instincts are put to the test. Pushed and shoved even. Don't get me wrong, I am ready for this... But the memories of some of the rough moments are vivid and still fresh which makes me believe that ignorance sometimes really is bliss. 3- I am not going into this adventure with Ashleigh. I will be alone. But even that is half a lie... I will not be alone exactly. Which brings me to: 4- this time, I will have someone waiting for me at the gates when I land. Someone I have grown to adore deeply and appreciate immensely. Someone who is equally excited to see me as I am to see them. And someone who has shown me that life isn't just about work and persuing a career, but for having a love for life itself...to not be your own prisoner. This person has opened my heart after it was closed for so long. He has told me that trust isn't easy but it's still very possible. He challenges me and my stubbornness and makes me change my mind about things that ive been absolutely positive on. And he appreciates me, the way I am. It is no secret that a lot of my decision for doing adventure #2 is because of reason 4. Which may sound crazy! The Ashley back in December/January would've called me crazy. Ridiculous even. But I guess this is where we can recognize the changes I've experienced from within. Because I really don't think this is crazy. It's necessary. I must see where this road takes me. Its wayyy too strong to forget about. And its also oh SO heart warming to think of the moment that I land in Bologna at 12:35pm on July 8th and am reunited with Mr. Paolinelli. After 3 months... I will finally get to hug the person that has convinced me that love is worth the risks. So I sit here on America's Independence day, hearing the distant booms of the fireworks, and ponder my near future in Italia. Funny. For me, there is no place like home. But I want to get out and experience another life style and culture before I can feel any more comfortable here. I want to know what's out there and how other people live. And I want to know it well. I AM GOING BACK TO ITALY!!! :O Aside from my fears, I will be surrounded by amazing food, rich culture and history, and people that have a passion for living. I am excited for so many reasons: Ricky, cooking at Righi, eating piadina and squacquerone, Italian beaches. But I am MOST excited to be removed, once again, from my comforts and forced to think outside the box that I know too well. I live to be challenged... It's my addiction. I will be able to further my adventure into the discovery of myself, after I thought I learned everything I could possibly learn. I am going deeper into an experience that will not only benefit my career but also benefit my soul. I am fortunate. I am so lucky. Which makes all my fears and concerns minuscule and not important. I have way more to gain than to lose, so what is left to fear? As far as I'm concerned, adventure number 2 will be just as life altering as adventure number 1, just in a different perspective. I am jumping in, going head on. Ready and willing. Bring it. Because I know that life would not steer me in this direction if I was not ready. Adventure 1 and the aftermath prepared me for adventure 2 so I can only imagine what is in store for me. :D

Where the wind is

Alright, here is where I am. Have you ever felt like you haven't been somewhere long enough to feel like youre family, like you belong? And at the same time, have you ever felt like you have been away from a place too long to feel that you don't belong anymore? Maybe it's just me, and I'm really not trying to sound dramatic, but it's really how I feel. I feel like I live in a bubble. Since I've been back, I don't quite belong anywhere. I don't elong where I used to be anymore and I don't belong where I want to be quite yet. I'm in this really weird middle area. Maybe it's me separating myself from everything...maybe it my own paranoia, but I really don't feel a sense of belonging anywhere. I wake up, do my thing, keep to myself and I literally live in a bubble. I'm physically here in LA but I'm not really here. I feel so spaced out all the time, like I am in another world, and it's sometimes scary how I don't remember things. I am counting down the days until I go back to Italy... My mind is already there, and I think my heart is too. So the only thing that is here in LA is this shell of a body, and I realize that's no way to live. It's not ok to live somewhere in order to pass the time to get to your next destination. I know I should be living here, while I am here. I should live life. But I can't help this bubble feeling, this passing time feeling, and this shell feeling. I don't know how to snap out of it and I don't know what can make me feel like I am actually here. And at the end of it all, I don't know if I want to change this feeling. Do I want to be here right now? It's really really odd, this mindset that I am in right now. Like I, my soul and heart, are separated from my physical being and I am looking at myself. Debbie told me its the growing phase that I'm still going through. And I believe her because it makes sense... But I didn't know it would feel this odd. And foreign. I started reading "the sun also rises" by Ernest Hemingway... I'm in to these classic authors and poets nowadays because I feel like the closer I get to self realization and awareness, the further I get from immediate surroundings and the closer I relate to abstract thoughts Haha. Anyways, I opened the book and my jaw dropped. On the page in the beginning of the book, where the author dedicates or thanks someone, Hemingway quoted Ecclesiastes saying "...the wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits..." !!!!! My god! That sounds familiar! Sounds like the quote that I blogged about in "living" on 1/18/12 after seeing it engraved on the side of the Westminster Abbey in London. I read it, and put the book down. As so much has changed between now and then, so many things are different and I have a new set of priorities, the quote still means the same to me. That I am currently on this journey, this wild journey. I am still whirling about, whirling continuously. It's strange how life shows you something and then reminds you of it after you have nearly forgotten it and yet, it still has the same meaning after everything has changed. This quote was revealed to me in London, at a time where it made perfect sense... And I have since nearly forgotten about it until today. I read it, and although everything is different, it still made perfect sense. I don't know why the world works the way it does but it's timing is impeccable. Now... Let me return to my bubble

Push itttttt!!!

I've been awake for the last 20 hours. I've worked for 16 of them and the other 4 were spent randomly, either getting ready for my day, driving to work or ending my day with friends and a margarita. Needless to say, I'm pretty tired but I find myself without the ability to close my eyes and fall asleep because I have this one nagging thought. This one thought is running through my mind and MUST be so important that it is keeping me from resting.

I made money today for the first time this year (no, this isn't the thought keeping me awake... I'm getting to that). I have been home for almost one month, not quite, and I've done nothing but worry, question, obsess and complain about the fact that I have no money and no source of income. I had just enough money left from my European adventure to buy my next ticket to Italy to start another adventure; I could afford to get there but had no idea of how I would stay there. After coming back, I was so mixed about where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do next that I threw myself into the closest thing I could find to Italy. Well... I've spent the last three weeks working for free for Angelini Osteria because I WANTED to be there so bad. Gino told me he wasn't currently hiring, but it didnt matter to me. I kept showing up because he was the closest to Italy I was going to get and I wanted HIS experience so much that money was secondary. In the mean time, I constantly told chef Chris that if he needed an extra hand at Mozza, I would be available because I needed the money. For the last three weeks, I've been stressing out about how my next trip to Italy financially would work. I cried about it. And I tried thinking of all my possible options of making money while in the mean time, working for free somewhere, because I valued the experience, and praying that my help was needed. I just kept going and I didn't stop. I wanted to make money and I wanted to keep gaining experience, so I pushed, despite what I was told.

And THAT is the thought that is keeping me awake. To push and to keep pushing. Because the world is going to push you and not stop. It's going to push you until you think you've reached your limit or are just sick of being pushed. But... NEVER. STOP. PUSHING. BACK! Ever. And by push, I don't mean to resist what the world is pushing at you. I simply mean that whatever cards are dealt to you, do whatever it takes to make them work in your favor. and don't stop. I've seen people that stop pushing. They are stagnant, uninspired and ultimately unhappy. They've given up and just accept what's going on. Don't do that. PUSH for the life you want and don't stop pushing until you see it happening.

Because I got hired at Angelini Osteria. Today was my first day on the clock. And after that, I went straight to Mozza because chef Chris told me he needed some help. I'm currently on the Angelini schedule and the Mozza schedule: I now have experience and money coming my way. I pushed for it and my persistence paid off. I worked 16 hours today and I am thoroughly exhausted... The world is pushing me again. But I'm giving it right back.


Whew. Hopefully now I can sleep.

Insight

Chef Gino walked around the kitchen today and gave everyone $5. I'm not really sure why and he mumbled something about everyone deserving tips. Haha, it was random but it was cool. Funny guy.

But for those of you who read my blog for insight on the ins and outs, reality, secrets and life of a cook, here is some insight:

My year to date income for 2012 is $5. Yes, the $5 chef Gino handed me this morning. And I doubt it will be any higher than $500 come September.

I told my parents that they will be seeing me in their home for quite some time. I've also decided to become a charity case and I'm now accepting personal checks, gas money and loose change. Hahaha, joking...

Kinda
;)

New adventures

Ciaooooooo!!! Sooooo.... as of about 2:30pm today, I got the official news that I will be returning to San Marino in July. I am returning to San Marino and I am returning to Righi la Taverna to work again for another three months. This last week has been FILLED with many mental ups and downs, changes, decisions, more changes, more decisions and finally (i think) a new beginning. Let's recap, shall we?

I flew back in to LA, feeling incomplete. Well, I was extremely happy to see my friends and family and also thrilled to be back in a city I know; after being out of my element for three months, it was nice to have some familiarity. But I left San Marino on very short notice and I left a job/internship that I did not get to finish. My mind and heart were set on being there until June. In my mind, it was a done deal. So to hear 6 days before I had to leave that my visa didn't work out was disappointing to say the least. I got home, saw my friends and family, explored the familiar city, got back in to work right away and then thought "now what?". Because that incomplete feeling was still lingering, growing stronger even. I filled the cravings (family, friends, familiar work, and yes, in n out was one too..)that had grown in me over the last few months and then didn't have a clue what my next move was. And that's where the work part comes in.

So I went back to Mozza, my home and training ground for the last almost two years. It was nice, it was familiar and it was satisfying. I started to butcher but I wasn't feeling it. Within two days, I knew something was off. I was also getting stir crazy. I was out and about in a big world for 3 months and then suddenly, I was home, where everything is familiar. Yes, I was craving familiarity so bad but I realized familiarity sometimes feels like a small room. From a giant world to a small room, I was definitely going a little crazy. I also started to realize that I can't spend my whole life traveling or staging. The last three months were an experience to BENEFIT me in the in real world where people have jobs and bills and obligations, not my ACTUAL real world. But I couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that being back felt like I had unfinished business somewhere else. And I needed a different kind of familiarity.

So I went to the closest thing I could think of to San Marino and Italy without actually going there. Chef Gino Angelini. The man that started this wholeeeee thing. If you remember, back in my first blog entry, my friend Debbie told me to talk with Chef Gino to get a job in San Marino. I met and talked with Gino once and that was all it took. I had a job. And by the way, Gino trained Chef Sartini, the chef I worked with in San Marino. Chef Sartini is his product. So I went to Gino in hopes of filling the part of me I left behind. Good choice, Ashley. Good choice.

I've been working with Gino for a few days now and his food and techniques are the closest thing to Italy without being in Italy. He speaks Italian, Spanish and English in the kitchen. He makes sure everyone eats and has coffee before, during and after work. He works on the line with us everyday, doing whatever it is that needs to get done. And he sings songs and dances on the line when things get crazy busy. He IS Italy. Born and raised in Rimini, the small town right next to San Marino. He filled the void. The food and menu filled the void. And on my third day, we sat down after the shift to eat family meal (the meal prepared for the employees), and Gino sat with me and poured me a glass of wine. Over our pasta and barolo, we talked about what I wanted, what we thought I needed in terms of my next move, and the future. He advised me to go back and finish what I started, my thoughts exactly and I didn't even have to tell him. He told me he would call Chef Sartini and make it happen. Again. Chef Gino has seen me for a total of four days and he cares enough to give me the world in the palm of my hands. Just like that. I tell him what I think and he makes it happen.

So today, I was butchering/cleaning a rack of lamb and I hear chef Gino scream from the office "ashleyyyyyyyy!!!!". I run over and Gino hands me the phone and says " it's chef sartini, he wants to say hello". I answer and Chef Sartini tells me whenever I want to come back to San Marino, it's no problem. (!!!!) So because of the whole visa thing, I tell him July, which is the earliest I can legally go back. I can hear the smile in his voice as he says no problem and laughs at my excitement. I think he likes me. Haha

So, here I am. Once again, getting myself into another adventure. Only this time, I am a little more prepared. At least I know what to expect: long hours, little to no sleep, communication frustration, etc. But I get to be surrounded by people and a country that revolve their lives around food and wine. I get to dissect the mind of a Michelin star chef in Italy and learn his techniques. I get to have my ass kicked in the name of food!! I've dedicated my life to food and learning the ways of producing great dishes. I'd say this is pretty severe dedication. And at the end of all this, I get to finish what I set out to do in the first place. Yeah it's difficult and very frustrating and not all fun. But it's valuable, unforgettable, and beautiful. It's worth it. It's so worth it.

Now

Yeah... So my visa didn't work and I am now home. Not the happiest camper right now but everything happens for a reason. It's hard, so very hard, to see the reason in this one. But it's there, I just have to wait. I miss Italy and traveling and being on the go so much already. I knew the visa wasn't going to work about 6 days before I actually had to leave which left me very little time left to enjoy everything. It was a sudden shock for me since I had made plans to stay until June. It feels like Italy and work was ripped away from me just when I was beginning to get a feel for things. But I talked with Chef Sartini and he wants me to come back as soon as I can, which would be about 90 days from now because there is a bunch of logistical paperwork bullshit that only allows an American citizen to be in the EU for 90 days within a 6 month period. It's stupid if you ask me, but what can you do?

I must think positive. There is a reason why I was sent home. A reason I am here and I reason I am here now. As difficult as it is to understand a situation that seems impossible to understand, I must. Because life goes on. And Italy isn't going anywhere... It will be there 3 months from now, 6 months from now, 5 years from now. And before I even came back, I decided that I wanted to persue learning butchering and meats, whether it was back at Mozza or a butcher shop or wherever. So when I walked in to Mozza yesterday to surprise everyone, I talked with Chef Chris and told him my idea. He looked at me and told me that the Mozza butcher is leaving in 15 days and if I was serious about this idea, I could be the morning butcher for Mozza...

My life. My crazy life.

How does this happen to me? How does it somehow work out? And when it doesn't seem to work out, when it seems like its all taken away, it still works out. Somehow. I don't know. But is mylife and I live it everyday.


So of now, I will learn the art of butchery. In Los Angeles. For now. Who knows where I will be in 3 months or 6 months or 5 years. But I'm living now and that's all I know. And I hope for the best. And yesterday, I told Chef Chris, "you know what I really want to learn??" and he says "let me guess, everything?". Hahaha spot on Chris, spot on. (since I know you read this)

:)