Giant cloud

Maybe it's an off day or maybe it's just me but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, not in a good way. The reality of having to live in Italy for the next unknown amount of time, not knowing the language, and being away from the comforts of home AND Ashleigh AND not traveling around like I have been for the last month is just not a settling feeling right now. I know what you're thinking. I'm in Rome. I should be having the time of my life. But my reality is a snowy and busy city, filled with people freaking out because they aren't used to snow either. Half of everything is closed or blocked off because of the weather while I am trying my best just to stay warm. I escape the cold weather outside and come home to a COLD hostel, therefor not escaping at all. Cold hostel, and the other hostels in the area dont have great reviews either. Haha... Of all the places it could've snowed while I was traveling, it snows here. Really?? Really!?! I do love Rome and I've seen the most beautiful things here, more beautiful than any other city I've been in. I'm walking through an alley way and a random piazza appears with larger than life statues or fountains or ruins. Hands down, the most breathtaking. No other city I've been to looks quite like Rome. Truly one of a kind. BUT.... I think I would enjoy it better in the spring or summer. When the natural circumstances are different. It's hard to enjoy a city I know I would appreciate more at a later time.

But it's not just the weather. It's the realization that I know all of maybe 10 words in Italian and I know nothing about their way of life. Yes, I can learn, and learn I will. But it's discouraging to know I'm at the very very beginning. There isn't much more of a beginning than where I am right now. Haha. And then I think of home, and how EASY it is to live and get around and do whatever I want or need because I'm used to it. It makes me miss my own bed, shower, room, kitchen, car, etc. ahhhhh, I'm just having a moment. Let me have my moment of ridiculousness. Anyone that has traveled outside of the US knows how I feel right now.

Think what you want, call me an idiot. Fine. Haha but I'm just pretty frustrated. I've gained so much strength and I still find myself needing more. Or clarity just to appreciate what I have in front of me and forget all the other non sense. Either way, I need rest and to recharge my batteries.

Good night big beautiful world


  1. sorry I suck at skype! It was so good to hear your voice even though we got cut off early. I will ask justin to help me in the morning because I know he knows how to set it up.
    As far as your cloud, this is completely normal. You aren't an idiot at all. I know exactly how you feel and wish I could be there to give you a big hug. It will be hard for awhile, but it will get easier. I promise. It won't stay cold in Italy for long. You will start to pick up words and phrases. You will start to become accustomed to Italian life.
    You didn't go there because it was going to be easy. You are at the very beginning, but just think of it as a great place to start. Everyone starts at the beginning, and your beginning is in Rome.
    You will have breakdowns and think "what the f am I doing here?" Just remember that it will get easier and what you are feeling is completely normal. You are not alone in this, we are all cheering for you over here!

    You are going to be amazing, I know it.

  2. Pizza, Ravioli, Rojo Vino, Spicee Meat-a-ball!

    That's all you need! :-) Keep your head up. Tough yes. Comfortable no. Educating YES. Think of the stories you will be able to entertain your children and grandchildren with!

    Salud.....Beaker & Bang

  3. :) both these comments make me so happy! I love knowing that people are actually reading my thoughts. Haha. You're both right... It is what it is and I am strong enough to get through it. I appreciate the support :))))). Salud!!

  4. You knew this would be challenging and we've witnessed you at your best when you're challenged. EVERY time the bar is raised you meet it. You will do it again. Nothing worthwhile is easy. Know that when you succeed in accomplishing your most challenging goals, you will experience the greatest self-satisfaction. Isn't that right marathon runner? You are having these feelings because they are normal. It means your smart and aware and not cocky and clueless. Listen to your own advice. You are allowed to have a moment. Take it one day at a time.
    "If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
    -Vincent Van Gogh
    "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
    -Martin Luther King
    "Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."
    -John Quincy Adams

  5. Thank you mom and dad :) that means the world

  6. OMG! Such wisdoms from my lil' sis!!!

    Nice to see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.